Alrighty folks. Hope you're all well. Hugs. You guys must all be glad that it's Friday- the weekend. Yes, I remember that feeling too! Hope you lot have a great weekend, relaxing time with family, friends and the like.
I have a feeling that this blog may turn into another semi rant. giggles. I'm sorry guys, trying to stay positive. Anyways, reason I'm posting is cuz..I'm feeling kind of impatient right now,like, my life is stuck in second gear. Surreal. Have a million thoughts going through my brain right now.
I heard the song by Dido 'life for rent' so true..if my life is for rent..nothing I have is truly mine..I always thought I'd live by the sea....I'm afraid...they are the lyrics I relate to.
I'm scared. I'm running away again.(Jonah esque- wonder if I'll get swallowed by a whale?)
I prayed for patience so God is providing me with an opportunity to be patient. I'm just...frustrated I guess. More patience, pretty please God.
I'm tired.
Friday, 22 January 2010
Sunday, 17 January 2010
SMART Goals and I'm not doing so good
Heya All. Stop right there- just wanted to give you a hug. :)
Anyways, I set myself some smart goals last night.
SMART- specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, time bound
1. SMART goal- I want to lose 30lbs by my birthday in six months. 30/6= 5 lbs a month to lose which is just a little over 1lb a week. Totally doable right?
2. Run at least 3 times a week. Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday
I'm really not doing so great at the moment. I know the only way to be a good person is to be a happy person...and I'm just not happy the way I am now.This week will be a kind of busy week.
Anyways, I set myself some smart goals last night.
SMART- specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, time bound
1. SMART goal- I want to lose 30lbs by my birthday in six months. 30/6= 5 lbs a month to lose which is just a little over 1lb a week. Totally doable right?
2. Run at least 3 times a week. Saturday, Sunday and Wednesday
I'm really not doing so great at the moment. I know the only way to be a good person is to be a happy person...and I'm just not happy the way I am now.This week will be a kind of busy week.
Friday, 15 January 2010
My New Job- (possibly) and Weight loss
Alrighty folks. :) hope you're all doing well!
Today was a loooong day. I went to see my new boss today to sort out some paper work. I'm really excited when I saw what I'd be doing it looks FAB...but, my job is pending occupational health clearance..which made me feel super stressed. I can even hear God saying to me 'why be stressed? don't you trust me? everything will be fine. I've taken care of you thus far, what makes you think I won't keep taking care of you?' He's AMAZING. I wish I could show people sometimes what God does for me in my life, and everyone's lives.
Anyways, on the food front, not a good day. Yesterday I ate healthily, but today,...gosh, I couldn't even list all the rubbish I've eaten. Arghhh. Did walk quite a lot though, although not enough to compensate for the insanity which was my eating. Anyways, I found this blog the other day written by this AMAZING chick- check her out kassandralexis.blogspot.com -oh my goodness...she's AMAZING. She' s super beautiful and lives a life for God....
Sometimes I look at people like that in awe, and so wish I could be like that...I've been trying to manage my weight for years as you guys know....and keep failing. I keep getting up everyday and trying. I can't stop trying. I know God has given me a healthy body to begin with which I abuse when I go on food binges....I know that I need to pull myself together. Every time I want to go on a food binges ,...I should just instead give the money to charity, or the Haiti quake...NO MORE EXCUSES.
I'm not so sure that I'm the kind of girl who wakes up and says 'right, now this has to stop' but it has to stop. It's destroying my life. Actually, not it. I am destroying my life by doing this.
In other news, thank you ALL. Really
Hope you guys are all doing well. Hugs.
Today was a loooong day. I went to see my new boss today to sort out some paper work. I'm really excited when I saw what I'd be doing it looks FAB...but, my job is pending occupational health clearance..which made me feel super stressed. I can even hear God saying to me 'why be stressed? don't you trust me? everything will be fine. I've taken care of you thus far, what makes you think I won't keep taking care of you?' He's AMAZING. I wish I could show people sometimes what God does for me in my life, and everyone's lives.
Anyways, on the food front, not a good day. Yesterday I ate healthily, but today,...gosh, I couldn't even list all the rubbish I've eaten. Arghhh. Did walk quite a lot though, although not enough to compensate for the insanity which was my eating. Anyways, I found this blog the other day written by this AMAZING chick- check her out kassandralexis.blogspot.com -oh my goodness...she's AMAZING. She' s super beautiful and lives a life for God....
Sometimes I look at people like that in awe, and so wish I could be like that...I've been trying to manage my weight for years as you guys know....and keep failing. I keep getting up everyday and trying. I can't stop trying. I know God has given me a healthy body to begin with which I abuse when I go on food binges....I know that I need to pull myself together. Every time I want to go on a food binges ,...I should just instead give the money to charity, or the Haiti quake...NO MORE EXCUSES.
I'm not so sure that I'm the kind of girl who wakes up and says 'right, now this has to stop' but it has to stop. It's destroying my life. Actually, not it. I am destroying my life by doing this.
In other news, thank you ALL. Really
Hope you guys are all doing well. Hugs.
Monday, 11 January 2010
Sorting your life out is HARD WORK
Sorry I'm just having one of those 'argghhhh' moments. I'm sure y'all can relate to them ;)
It's just..I'm trying to sort my life out. It's hard work though. I keep going around in circles trying to sort stuff out..I end up sorting nothing out it seems.
So anyway, for those of you who don't know, my new job will only be part time..so, I figured witht the rest of my time I want to do something productive to improve my career prospects. I did want to be a nurse (and still do) BUT when it comes down to it, I think I'm more interested in the psychological aspects of stuff and mental health issues. One possible route- is to become a mental health nurse...the other is to do a PG Dip in Psychology. Anyway, I find the Open University site really confusing, and EXPENSIVE. To do the PG Dip, because my degree was not in Pysch. I have to complete some courses in order to get on this course..these courses (not even for the Dip..just to get on the Dip) dont start until October of this year. They don't look like easy work, either. There are two courses and one of them is a residential stay for a week to do research- which sounds really interesting, actually. And I'm not afraid of hard work, I know anything worth something will be hard work, and that's cool..but...
Anyway- I hate the way practicalities- e.g. money may mean I won't do this. I could get a Career Development Loan this actually doesn't sound bad but I'm already in student debt from my first degree. Arghhh. Then when I take a step back for a second, I think I'm 22...so CHILL. I'm kinda lucky cuz my job is in mental health research...well I haven't started it yet, but that's the general area. Anyway, argggggggghhhhhhhhhhh. Ok, rant over.
It's just..I'm trying to sort my life out. It's hard work though. I keep going around in circles trying to sort stuff out..I end up sorting nothing out it seems.
So anyway, for those of you who don't know, my new job will only be part time..so, I figured witht the rest of my time I want to do something productive to improve my career prospects. I did want to be a nurse (and still do) BUT when it comes down to it, I think I'm more interested in the psychological aspects of stuff and mental health issues. One possible route- is to become a mental health nurse...the other is to do a PG Dip in Psychology. Anyway, I find the Open University site really confusing, and EXPENSIVE. To do the PG Dip, because my degree was not in Pysch. I have to complete some courses in order to get on this course..these courses (not even for the Dip..just to get on the Dip) dont start until October of this year. They don't look like easy work, either. There are two courses and one of them is a residential stay for a week to do research- which sounds really interesting, actually. And I'm not afraid of hard work, I know anything worth something will be hard work, and that's cool..but...
Anyway- I hate the way practicalities- e.g. money may mean I won't do this. I could get a Career Development Loan this actually doesn't sound bad but I'm already in student debt from my first degree. Arghhh. Then when I take a step back for a second, I think I'm 22...so CHILL. I'm kinda lucky cuz my job is in mental health research...well I haven't started it yet, but that's the general area. Anyway, argggggggghhhhhhhhhhh. Ok, rant over.
Sunday, 10 January 2010
I'm not sure
I'm not sure what this blog will turn out to be about. I guess I just wanted to write something about Food Addiction. I guess one of the loneliest things about addiction is the secrecy it often takes. Something like food addiction is not exactly an easy one to hide. I don't know if this is going to shock some people what I'm going to write but I feel I needed to come 'out of the closet' with what's been going on with me the last few months since the start of November.
I'm just so tired of my own excuses sometimes. Seemingly, I keep trying to crawl out of the junk food/binge eating cycle, and eating healthily for a few days, and then falling right back in there. I've gained so much weight in the last few months, and I can't deny that fact anymore as my clothes are tight. Someone said something to me yesterday about something, I don't want to say what or who because they really did mean it in a way that wasn't meant to upset me, nevertheless it was the truth behind their words that stung me so much. I don't understand why I can't just pull myself together anymore like I've done in the past. I guess on some level I think that when I start my job, that will help things because I will have more structure etc. to my life. But right now, I just feel so...helpless I guess. I could cry for help, but it's a weird one, cuz the only person who can help me is myself. It's weird knowing that it's me causing this problem, and only me who can overcome it. (I won't qualify for doctors help because you need to have a BMI of over 30, which I don't...yet anyway...)
My mom has been great- I had a good talk to her last night about the above and she was trying to be really understanding. However, she said herself 'I don't understand why you don't just eat with us, and don't eat at other times' - from a logical point of view, she's totally right. I wish I could be logical about things.
I know that this will ruin the rest of my life if I don't pull myself together starting right now. As a certain wise person reminded me recently, 'a journey of a thousand miles must begin with the first step.' I must take the first step in trying to overcome this. I researched some stuff on the internet about 'overcoming food addiction'- in summary some of my key findings where:
I'm just so tired of my own excuses sometimes. Seemingly, I keep trying to crawl out of the junk food/binge eating cycle, and eating healthily for a few days, and then falling right back in there. I've gained so much weight in the last few months, and I can't deny that fact anymore as my clothes are tight. Someone said something to me yesterday about something, I don't want to say what or who because they really did mean it in a way that wasn't meant to upset me, nevertheless it was the truth behind their words that stung me so much. I don't understand why I can't just pull myself together anymore like I've done in the past. I guess on some level I think that when I start my job, that will help things because I will have more structure etc. to my life. But right now, I just feel so...helpless I guess. I could cry for help, but it's a weird one, cuz the only person who can help me is myself. It's weird knowing that it's me causing this problem, and only me who can overcome it. (I won't qualify for doctors help because you need to have a BMI of over 30, which I don't...yet anyway...)
My mom has been great- I had a good talk to her last night about the above and she was trying to be really understanding. However, she said herself 'I don't understand why you don't just eat with us, and don't eat at other times' - from a logical point of view, she's totally right. I wish I could be logical about things.
I know that this will ruin the rest of my life if I don't pull myself together starting right now. As a certain wise person reminded me recently, 'a journey of a thousand miles must begin with the first step.' I must take the first step in trying to overcome this. I researched some stuff on the internet about 'overcoming food addiction'- in summary some of my key findings where:
- To avoid foods high in fat and sugar content- known to trigger a chemical reaction in the brain similar to opiate- therefore these foods can be addictive
- Addressing emotional issues associated with the food addiction, such as depression, isolation, etc.
- Exercise - I know this does work
So, basically all stuff I and I'm sure you already know.
I am going to return to counselling though. I am going to give it a try. And possibly I am going back on Anti-depressants (possibly)
I know my problems are small compared to many. I'm blessed to have such wonderful and supportive people in my life. I try to rationalise my problems. It's not an excuse, but I believe what I have is a form of mental illness, as sad as it sounds for me to admit.
Saturday, 9 January 2010
Change and One Step at a Time
Confession: I'm obsessed with Jordin Sparks at the moment.
But her song 'One step at a time'- is so beautiful. When you're trying to make a change, you need to take things one step at a time. I love the lyrics: 'the only way we get there is one step at a time' ...
My favourite line of all: 'There's no need to rush...it's like learning to fly...Or falling in love...it's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen.'
That is so true. I guess things do get easier when you get older sometimes, you've rushed things enough times to learn that even though the option is there to rush things, you choose not to anymore. I'm not referring to relationships in this particular instance. But right now, 'one step at a time' for me, applies to trying to become healthy and getting my eating habits sorted, and getting more exercise. I've gone all crazy before, only to fail because I wasn't taking it one step at a time.
I've had an interesting week this week. Heard from a couple of people I have not heard from in agggggeeesss...so good to hear from them- was really sweet.
But her song 'One step at a time'- is so beautiful. When you're trying to make a change, you need to take things one step at a time. I love the lyrics: 'the only way we get there is one step at a time' ...
My favourite line of all: 'There's no need to rush...it's like learning to fly...Or falling in love...it's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen.'
That is so true. I guess things do get easier when you get older sometimes, you've rushed things enough times to learn that even though the option is there to rush things, you choose not to anymore. I'm not referring to relationships in this particular instance. But right now, 'one step at a time' for me, applies to trying to become healthy and getting my eating habits sorted, and getting more exercise. I've gone all crazy before, only to fail because I wasn't taking it one step at a time.
I've had an interesting week this week. Heard from a couple of people I have not heard from in agggggeeesss...so good to hear from them- was really sweet.
Sunday, 3 January 2010
Welcome :)
Hello!
I wanted to start blogging here..because I wanted to give myself a fresh start. I will keep my old blog account open, but I wanted to start afresh for this year.
I have never been so excited about the New Year. Only because, I've never had quite as strange a year as last year. When I spoke to others, I was surprised how many people could not wait for 2010. 2009 was a hard year, we all made it though. Thank you for your support last year friends, reading my insane blog posts, being there, helping me see the humourous side of everything. I really appreciate it.
I want to be really honest about my trials, happy times, blessings, challenges, people in my life (without naming any specifics...) and I hope to be keeping track of yours too.
2010 can be a wonderful year. 2010 WILL be a wonderful year.
Someone said to me 'this will be an important year for you' it will be for all of us. :) I hope to keep up to date with your blogs too and continue to support you if I can.
Much love,
Kath xoxoxo
I wanted to start blogging here..because I wanted to give myself a fresh start. I will keep my old blog account open, but I wanted to start afresh for this year.
I have never been so excited about the New Year. Only because, I've never had quite as strange a year as last year. When I spoke to others, I was surprised how many people could not wait for 2010. 2009 was a hard year, we all made it though. Thank you for your support last year friends, reading my insane blog posts, being there, helping me see the humourous side of everything. I really appreciate it.
I want to be really honest about my trials, happy times, blessings, challenges, people in my life (without naming any specifics...) and I hope to be keeping track of yours too.
2010 can be a wonderful year. 2010 WILL be a wonderful year.
Someone said to me 'this will be an important year for you' it will be for all of us. :) I hope to keep up to date with your blogs too and continue to support you if I can.
Much love,
Kath xoxoxo
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